…And the last few weeks have been a real cliffhanger for the baby and me.
We have this weird family tradition where I get surprise pregnant as soon as we get family pictures. So when we got this lovely photo, I should’ve known what was coming…
(Photo credit: Sarah Hicks)
If you’ve been hanging with me awhile, you may recall I had an extremely rare condition with my last pregnancy called an incarcerated uterus (delightful name, right?) It means the uterus is bent backward until it becomes trapped inside the pelvic bones. If unaddressed it's a deadly situation for the baby, and very painful and risky for me.
Well, we saw on ultrasound it was happening again. Symptoms arose and were worsening like last time. Besides the physical symptoms, I was flooded with painful memories of ignorant doctors who brushed me off last time and invasive interventions I dreaded undergoing again. My OB (who’s practiced for 30+ years) wasn’t even comfortable treating it- it's that rare- so I started the laborious process of finding a specialist who would listen to me, treat my condition, AND was booking sooner than 6 months out.
The adventures we don’t ask for can be the toughest to accept. However, in a moment of grace in prayer God sent my heart a love note.
My daughter, you’ve seen me work in your life dozens and dozens of times.
Each time, I provide.
You’ll never know the future, but each time I work it out better for you than you fear.
I’m still here.
I haven’t gone anywhere.
So, trust me in advance.
I will take care of you.
I had to chuckle, remembering my book is titled Adventure Awaits. Just a few months prior, I wrote this passage:
Time and time again, life will continue to change. I will always look heavenward in the rocking boat and cry out to God, “Are you still there? Will you still take care of me?” But it doesn’t have to be a desperate plea. It can be a calm prayer, confident that God will come through.
I’m not the only person who’s rocked by change. The ancient Israelite people were released from generations of slavery to the Egyptians. God ensured their freedom by sending plagues on the Egyptians, some of which were spectacularly gross, like the
rivers turning to blood. He went before the Israelites in a pillar of fire, then parted the Red Sea so they could cross on dry land. It doesn’t get more impressive than that!
And yet, after all of that, what did the Israelites do when the
water ran short? They complained. They didn’t trust, but instead wished to be back in Egypt. They actually mourned their slavery! Freedom was too big a change for them, and they wished for security, even if it meant giving up their freedom. The complaining and ingratitude dragged on time and again, even after God brought water from a rock and sent the perfect amount of manna to nourish them each day. They even fashioned themselves a golden calf to worship while Moses was away receiving the Ten Commandments.
Do these behaviors sound familiar to you? They sure do to me. When I’m in a tough season, how often am I tempted to complain, numb my emotions with online shopping or wine. Do I just ignore God and stop trying to pray? Haven’t I seen enough evidence of his love to know he’ll provide? Why do I keep demanding he reveal the plan to me in advance when scripture and experience show me that’s not his way?
Unless you’re given the rare gift of prophecy, you’ll never, ever know the next step in your life ahead of time. In all their wanderings in the desert, the Israelites were never more than a
week’s journey from Canaan. It was their lack of faith in God that rendered them unable to step in and claim their promised land.
God doesn’t want you to wander aimlessly in the desert for forty years. He wants you to trust him so you can make big leaps for his kingdom. If you’re like me, you’re probably more like a baby taking her first steps than a marathon runner. But even a baby can get fast pretty quickly!
So, I resolved to praise the Lord in advance. The dread and stress were daily battles that threatened to drag me into anxiety. Pain kept me awake for several hours in the middle of each night. Some days I lost the mental battle, but I kept fighting and sent up prayers of praise even when it was hard.
Finally last Friday, I got a last-minute appointment with a doctor who said she could treat the IU. Before the appointment I attended mass. The final hymn was “Praise the Holy Trinity,” a majestic ancient hymn I’ve loved for years. I decided to put all my emotions into song that morning. If you know me, you know my loud is REALLY loud. It felt cathartic to let it all out.
From mass, I went in for an ultrasound. As if by a miracle, the uterus had inexplicably just fixed itself! I felt as if the weight of the world was lifted off my shoulders.
I’m so grateful for God’s provision and healing. This baby is going to be beautiful, and I'd appreciate your prayers for a smooth and uneventful rest of my pregnancy. And I’m reminded, yet again, that he will continue to provide in every situation. I’m re-reading chapter ten of my book, “Seeing God in Your Story” and taking my own advice!
Take a look at the cover. So pretty, right?
God’s adventure awaits, my friend.
And I’m glad you’re on the journey with me.